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Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Sort Your Mixed Feelings

When two things are true at once. Three short exercises to sort what pulls you in each direction.

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A note from Dana

Your relationship clarity plan: Sort Your Mixed Feelings

Did you know feeling torn is one of the most common things people bring to me? One day it feels like “it’s not that bad.” The next, “I can’t keep doing this.”

Many of us learned that if we feel two things, one of them must be wrong. So we argue with ourselves, or we wait for a sign. The longer it goes on, the less we trust our own read.

What if I told you both feelings can be true? There’s something here you care about, and something you need that’s missing. This workbook helps you sort them out, slowly, before you decide anything.

With you in it,
Dana

A note on your result: Your scorecard result isn’t a verdict. It’s a starting point. Mixed feelings, doubts and hopes are all information. The decision stays yours.

Exercise 1

Both things are true

Let both sides speak. Write what pulls you toward staying, and what pulls you away. Don’t argue with either side. Just let it be written.

What keeps me here

What I love, value or hope for

What pulls me away

What’s missing, hurting or not working

Which side was easier to write? What do I notice in my body as I read each one?

Exercise 2

Fear or knowing?

Some feelings come from fear: of being alone, of hurting someone, of starting over, of what people will think. Others come from what you know about yourself. Both are information. Sort a few of yours.

1The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

2The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

3The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

4The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

5The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

6The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

7The feeling or thoughtFear or knowing?What it’s telling me

If fear weren’t in the room, what would I want?

Exercise 3

What would need to change

Be specific. What would need to be different for you to feel at home in this relationship? Then be honest about whether you’ve asked for it.

1What would need to changeHave I asked for it?How did my partner respond?

2What would need to changeHave I asked for it?How did my partner respond?

3What would need to changeHave I asked for it?How did my partner respond?

4What would need to changeHave I asked for it?How did my partner respond?

5What would need to changeHave I asked for it?How did my partner respond?

What’s my part, and what do I choose now?

You don’t have to choose today. Clarity often comes from asking clearly and watching what happens. Your Ask for What You Need and Name What You Need plans can help.

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Want another workbook? Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Name What You Need Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Ask for What You Need Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Decide with Clarity