Free workbook · fill in online

Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Ask for What You Need

Saying it so it lands. Three short exercises to ask clearly, kindly and specifically.

How this works: type your answers in the boxes. They save automatically on this device, so you can close the page and come back anytime. When you’re done, save your answers as a PDF in the workbook’s full design.

Download the PDF instead

A note from Dana

Your relationship clarity plan: Ask for What You Need

Dana Peters

Where are my hinters at? The ones who sigh, drop clues and hope their partner will finally notice? Or soften the ask so much it disappears?

Most of us were never taught how to ask for what we need. We learned to keep the peace, avoid being “too much,” or wait until we were so frustrated it came out sideways.

What if I told you your partner may not be ignoring you? They may never have heard it in a way they could take in. You’re leaning in. This workbook helps you ask clearly, kindly and specifically.

With you in it,
Dana

A note on your result: Your scorecard result isn’t a verdict. It’s a starting point. Mixed feelings, doubts and hopes are all information. The decision stays yours.
Exercise 1

How I ask now

No judgment here, just noticing. Think of a few recent times you wanted something from your partner. How did you ask, if at all?

1
2
3
4
5
6
What pattern do I notice? What might it be protecting?
Exercise 2

Notice, Name, Need, Ask

Choose one need to bring up. Write your ask in four steps. Start small, with something important to you that isn’t your biggest hurt.

Notice: what’s happening in me when this comes up? (My body usually knows first.)
Name: what do I feel? (Without blame: “I feel lonely,” not “You ignore me.”)
Need: what do I need underneath it?
Ask: one specific, doable request
Starter scripts: “I’ve noticed I feel ___ when ___. What I need is ___. Would you be willing to ___?” · “Can I share something that’s been on my mind? I don’t need you to fix it. I just want you to hear it.”
Exercise 3

Plan the conversation

When and how you ask shapes how it lands. Plan it ahead, so you’re not making it up in the middle of a hard moment.

When and where (a calm time, not when either of us is rushed or tired):
How I’ll start gently:
If they get defensive, I’ll:
If it doesn’t land the first time, I’ll:
Afterward: what did I notice? Did I feel heard?

Nice work.

Your answers are saved on this device. Save a copy so you can come back to it, or bring it to a free consultation and we’ll look at what came up together.

Book a free consultation

Want another workbook? Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Name What You NeedYour Relationship Clarity Plan: Sort Your Mixed FeelingsYour Relationship Clarity Plan: Decide with Clarity