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Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Name What You Need

The foundation for every next step. Three short exercises to sort your needs, wants and dealbreakers.

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A note from Dana

Your relationship clarity plan: Name What You Need

Did you know most of us can tell you exactly what our partner needs, and draw a blank when it comes to ourselves? Many of us learned early to read everyone else first and ourselves last.

That makes it hard to decide anything about a relationship. If you’re not sure what you need, you can’t tell whether you’re getting it, or what to ask for.

What if I told you clarity starts here? Not with a decision, but with knowing yourself well enough to make one. How you live your life is a reflection of how you relate to all the pieces inside of it, including you.

With you in it,
Dana

A note on your result: Your scorecard result isn’t a verdict. It’s a starting point. Mixed feelings, doubts and hopes are all information. The decision stays yours.

Exercise 1

Needs, wants and dealbreakers

Sort what you can’t live without, what you’d love, and what you won’t accept. Write fast and don’t edit. There are no good or bad answers here, just yours.

1Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

2Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

3Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

4Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

5Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

6Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

7Needs: I can’t feel at home withoutWants: I’d loveDealbreakers: I won’t accept

Which of these have I said out loud to my partner?

Exercise 2

Mine, ours, or my season?

Not everything you feel is about the relationship. Some of it may be about what’s changing in you: work, identity, kids growing up, a milestone birthday. Sorting it out helps you see what’s really asking for attention.

About us

What’s happening between us

About me

What’s changing in my own life

Both

Where they overlap

What surprised me when I sorted it this way?

Exercise 3

My needs, in one sentence each

Choose your top three needs from Exercise 1. Write each one as a single sentence you could say out loud. Start with “I need” or “I would feel more connected if…”

Need 1

Need 2

Need 3

Read them out loud to yourself. Notice what happens in your body. A little nervousness is normal. It often means something true.

Now that I can name what I need, what do I want to do with it?

Nice work.

Your answers are saved on this device. Save a copy so you can come back to it, or bring it to a free consultation and we’ll look at what came up together.

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Want another workbook? Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Ask for What You Need Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Sort Your Mixed Feelings Your Relationship Clarity Plan: Decide with Clarity